


A Shared Cigarette

by darkolai



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cigarettes, Confused Harry, Fluff and Angst, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hurt Harry Potter, Hurt/Comfort, I just want to give my boys a hug, Light Angst, M/M, Sad Harry, Smoking, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-24 01:47:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30064794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkolai/pseuds/darkolai
Summary: Harry finds put that a shared cigarette can show a lot of opportunities.
Relationships: Hermione Granger & Harry Potter, Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley, Theodore Nott & Harry Potter, Theodore Nott/Harry Potter
Kudos: 16





	A Shared Cigarette

_Wiped Out! - The Neighborhood_

Harry Potter went out The Three Broomsticks and wanted to lit up a cigarette. Harry was thirty. Harry was thirty and he was tired. Tired of not having a proper family as he always wanted, tired of waking up in cold sweat every day, tired of smiling at Hermione - the only one who noticed how bad he looked, it was heartwarming and sad at the same time, it meant Hermione was his only real friend, - and lying that he is okay. Harry was tired of living. 

“Potter?” Someone’s voice said, Harry didn’t recognize it. At all. He hoped the man (the voice was too hoarse and low even for a smoking woman), isn't another crazy fan. He turned around and… 

_ Wow.  _

Whoever the man was… Harry didn’t care if he was a crazy fan. In fact, he was the most  _ beautiful  _ man Harry had ever seen. He had golden-brown skin with little - almost invisible, - sun kisses around his nose, big brown (almost black,) eyes and wavy dark hair. Not black, not brown, something in between in such a pretty shade… the lights around made his hair glow and it looked like he had a nimbus. Such an angel. He was tall, probably taller than Ron and a lot thinner, maybe even thinner than Harry himself. 

“Do I…” he paused, trying to recognize the person in front of him, “do I know you?” 

The man was surprised. It wasn’t obvious, no, but you could see it in the way he titled his head to his right shoulder and his eyes fixed on Harry. “Smoking Potter?” He clicked his tongue, and shook his head. Then laughed for a little moment and said to himself, “of course you don’t remember me,” then looked at Harry’s face. “Theo. Theodore Nott.” He stretched his hand, “we used to learn together- well,  _ I  _ studied in your year and you collected problems.” A pause. “I was from Slytherin, always made Draco shut up when he talked too much.” Theo played with his eyebrows. 

Harry said a little “oh”. Of course he  _ did  _ remember Theo - he was the only one who could make Malfoy shut up (after the teachers) - but in Hogwarts… well, in Hogwarts Theo was a lot,  _ a lot, _ smaller and Harry was too focused on not to die from Voldemort’s hand. “Nice to meet you, Theodore,” Harry finally replied. 

“Theo.” Nott cutted him off, but then, he probably realised how hard his voice was so he softly added, “please call me Theo, I like it way more than Theodore.” Theodore,  _ no, Theo,  _ Harry corrected himself and smiled back. 

“Theo,” Harry started, noticing how Theo’s smile became even softer. Lighter. “Cigarette?” He offered. Theo nodded, elegantly - as a natural aristokrat, Harry thought to himself and chuckled - took one. They lit the cigarette up. Together. Then exhaled the grey smoke. Also together. This moment was very intimidating, at least for Harry - no one but Hermione knew he was smoking, and that was only because she was so clever and knew how maggle cigarettes smell. The other thought it’s just a new not-very-nice perfume of Harry’s.

Harry noticed Theo’s adam apple as Nott stepped closer and looked up. He wanted to taste his skin. 

Harry’s attraction to men… well, it was weird and- he was so scared at the start. He still was attracted to women but… he felt like something’s  _ wrong _ inside him for liking his own gender. At the start, when he only started realising that he was absolutely horribly disgusted. When he came back from Hogwarts Dudley’s friends (and vernon himself, when Harry turned sixteen) called him fag. He did not know what this word meant but when- when he discovered- when he admitted that he was attracted to men- he felt so sick. So bloody disgusting. All his life, Harry wanted to be normal but, look at this, again he is  _ special. _ He truly hated himself.

With time and, a lot of talking with Ginny and Luna who - as he later discovered were dating since their sixth year, - helped him a lot. Luna said it’s fine and always smiled with her calm, naive support. Ginny talked a lot. Ginny told him, how she felt the same. How she felt like she’s  _ not fitting in again.  _ Ginny helped him to come out as “bisexual - attarcted to both genders” first to Hermione and then to everyone else. (Everyone else who were close enough.)

“So,” calmly said Theo, “how are you?” He looked like he was totally fine with what was going on (Harry wasn’t against that either but-), like they did it every day - smoked together about how their day was and how they felt. 

“Fine,” said Harry. Then considered to tell Theo the truth, after all, they won’t meet again. (Probably). Theo sent him a “I-don't-believe-you” look and looked up to the sky. It was evening, in the middle of the winter. Very cold. Harry added, “not really I-,” he looked up at Theo once more. His company didn’t look at him at all, but was listening very closely to his words. Harry felt that. “I am tired, Theo.” Theo’s eyes - dark and unreadable - finally met his. “I…” Harry’s voice cracked but he continued, “every day,” he took a deep breath and another puff from his cigarette, “I wake up from nightmares, every day, my scar hurts and I-'' he whispered his next words so quetoy, he couldn’t believe he said that, “I can’t tell anyone. I am so  _ so _ lonely.” he continued calmer. Without any feelings in his voice. Or face. “I am just  _ so tired, _ Theo.” He finished. 

There was silence for a bit but Harry didn’t care. Theo wasn’t a newsman, if he didn’t like Harry’s confession he could just go away. He felt so  _ relieved,  _ after all his white lies… after everything that he kept inside, he felt thankful for his foolishness (or braveness, the question is how you look at it,). To tell all his secrets to someone you barely know on the street, especially a Slytherin, not a good idea. 

He heard a deep sigh. The next moment he heard how Theo threw their cigarettes away grumbling about everything. And then he hugged Harry. Just like that. Without any asking or- or anything. He just pulled Harry closer (his hands were surprisingly strong for such a thin body), put his chin or Harry’s head and breathed into his hair. 

The next things that happened were: Harry’s arms wrapped around Theo’s waist pressing him closer and Theo kissed Harry’s forehead. 

Very warm. Very not-alone. Very… very like in the old times, at the first year… very home-ish. That's how Theo’s hug felt like. Nott’s parfume was around them - everywhere but Harry didn’t mind. He loved the smell; Theo smelled like candies, freedom and cigarettes - all Harry’s favorite smells at once. 

“Potter,” Thep quietly said, still with his chin on Harry’s hair. Still hugging Harry. It was so personal, so close, “I know when you and your mad friends had this thing called ‘Dumbledore's Army’,” Harry looked up, surprised Theo remembered. Surprised Theo knew about it. “Don’t look at me like that,” Theo groaned now burying his face into Harry’s hair… embarrassed? “ Draco talked about in the fifth year was you and your little club. It was all he was capable of talking about, ‘how do I catch them’?” Theo said, copying Malfoy’s voice so perfectly that Harry laughed. “However, I remember seeing you happier after these meetings you had, teaching the kids so… maybe, you could teach at Hogwarts, you know, like in the old times. You’ll be the best DADA professor the kids would have.” Theo sighed again, “also, I’m sure McGonagall will be very happy to see you.” He softly finished. Also stopping the hug. 

Harry looked at Theo absolutely shocked. _ That  _ was probably the best idea he had ever heard in his whole life. Harry was grateful. 

“And,” Theo softly added when he saw Harry’s glance, “I’m the potions professor. It’d be a nice bonus to see your pretty face every day, Harry.” Was Theo flirting with him? Harry didn’t know, he also didn’t care beacuase Theo said his name in such a special way- Harry just  _ had  _ to kiss him. 

When they are both, breathless and happy. Ended the kiss - Oxygen is such a thing, ends exactly when you need it the most. 

“See you at Hogwarts, Potter,” Theo said as he walked away - to Hogwarts. 

Harry looked at the castle, then at Theo’s back. Hogwarts has been his first home. Harry liked children. Harry liked DADA. And, well, maybe, he liked Theo. 

The letter to McGonagall about being a professor and the Gryffindor headmaster was sent in the same night. 

Harry found a new road in his life. 

  
  
  



End file.
